Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous. Recently, a female
sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who
was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next
day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd
and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home
from a drinking session when he decided to stop.
'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one
around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around' he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked
out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in
it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need.
'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident
embarrassment. In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice
an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy
Brenda Taylor approached him.
'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I
walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.' Deputy
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ...
'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a
pumpkin?'
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he
looked me straight in the face and said:
'A pumpkin? Shit .. is it midnight already?'
The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. Lawrence was
found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10. and sent on his way.
Current Rating (13 Votes): 8.8 
